Archaeologist working from home digs up Holy Grail in garden

A Rubicon Heritage Services Ltd employee living on the south coast of Ireland has found ‘The Holy Grail’ while excavating in her garden. The discovery, in close proximity to an Early Christian site with links to the Levant, Crusader Knights Templar, St Patrick and St Columba has the potential to redefine one of archaeology’s most enduring legacies and cure Covid-19 once and for all.
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​The controversial find risks being suppressed ​as 'too emotionally charged for these strange times' - but we bring you the facts.

The only image of the 'grail', snapped by the archaeologist as she was detained for questioning under the National Monuments Act yesterday.

The ‘grail’ is a ceramic goblet cup of red pottery fabric, with a dark glaze. It was unearthed in the remnants of a wooden box and may have been hurriedly hidden to avoid theft during a Viking raid in the 7th-8th centuries when Irish religious settlements were a lucrative target for Norse marauders. 

The archaeologist, who has not been named is quoted as saying: 
“I couldn’t believe my eyes, I immediately ran inside and drank some water out of it so I’m either immortal now or have tetanus – only time will tell!” ​

Tiny samples from the grail have been taken for Carbon-14 testing at QwikDate, Ballydehob while the artefact itself is being analysed at a secure facility under Garda and Church protection.  

Speculation about the legitimacy of the artefact is obviously rife, not least because of the timing of the find. Academic research, such as Lucas, G “The Last Crusade” (1989) speculated The Holy Grail would be made of wood, so a ceramic artefact turns the scientific community on its head and grail experts around the globe are divided. 
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Walter Donovan, Grail enthusiast: “It's time ask yourself what you believe”. ​

Once the age and authenticity of the Holy Grail are confirmed it is expected experiments will be undertaken to establish how much water can be purified with the grail and if the magical healing properties of the cup are retained by fluids it has held – the implications for global healthcare are immeasurable. 
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Criminal proceedings relating to unlicenced archaeological excavation and child labour law violations are proceeding in tandem with investigation of the artefact. The Vatican has not officially commented on the discovery. 
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This is a breaking story, watch this space for more news! ​

Excitement at the dig site - three people were arrested for metal-detector use, which is illegal in Ireland